Green in Korea

no grass in korea. no sprouts. just dirt. just ground where large sized korean style roughage grow. they grow in the tiny patches of earth still exposed in this city. this is literally the concrete jungle. ive seen little of what all of nature is while ive been here.

when we took the kids to play soccer on two days, we used the playgrounds of two area schools. the large playgrounds with soccer nets in them were void of any green. just gravel. lots and lots of gravel. knees bleed when there isnt any of that soft, fresh smelling when cut, green. grass isnt allowed to grow. it is illegal to grow or pocess grass in seoul. im sure of it.

we went to a park once. a 'real' park. with grass. with trails. with benches. with trees surrounded by grass. paying to get into this paradise within the urban sprawl of seoul, i was so looking foward to laying down on the grass and just staring at the open sky.

the grass was walled off by little walls you could step up onto. I could have just gone up and hogged all the grass to myself, but i could not. there were about fifty people in the park, and not one of them was sitting on the grass. Not one of them was even sitting under a tree. they were sitting on the benches which were positioned so as to give you the most sun in the park. was there no relief from this void of green?

it wasnt until we met the new and mysterious english teacher.

on a saturday the rotation on the two hour shift is shared between me, shane, and tina. it was tina's turn and so she was the first one to meet the new and mysterious english teacher. she said he was cool, new, and mysterious. something about him told her he was part of something big. big and mysterious. so naturally we went out to sinchon with him to drink.

he introduced us to a much more dark and sordid side of seoul by way of oratory transmission. passing him on the street one might not give him a second glance. he was as normal looking as the next guy, but there was definatley something about him. something new and mysterious.

after turning down an offer to go see the nazi hangout, we ended up in a voo doo bar. indie rock posters plastered one ontop of each other; knick knacks tossed here and there. it was full of burly white men. the kind you dont often see roaming the streets of sinchon. i had a gin and tonic and kept one eye on the burlies and one on my drink. this bar was new to me, and yes, very mysterious.

the voo doo bar was so mysterious we all left for a much less mysterious place. mowong is a safe house for the gumoe posse. they know what we drink and they know when to walk away from a table having a mysterious conversation. the walls at mowong are thick and unrelenting. what we say, not matter how mysterious, is safe there.

we hid our true intentions within the common english teacher brovado. we snickered and plotted. we argued and bickered. the group often bickers due to the mysteriousness of the situation. it brings out the worst in us. adding a new and mysterious person to the equation could have spelled utter and complete death for us all.

it was raining and the mood of the night had become less than appealing. the mystery of it all was too great and i felt compelled to flee for the safety of gumoe. however so did mr mysteria. He cleverly plotted with himself to invite himself into my cab, which would normally have been generously excepted, yet tonight, the night of mystery, the greatest mystery yet was what would happen in the cab. what would i endure? on donner on blitzen.

"gumoe dong ka jue-say-oh"
"koom-nam-she-jang ka jue-say-oh"
"yaaaaa yeahhhhh"

the ride was quite interesting. in the four years mr mysteria, had been working in korea, he had worked under assumed names and without any legal permission. he was a wild man, living in a strange land witout anykind of protection. what had he seen? who had he known? he reminded me in an infinately small way to the cia operative in the quiet american.

shane had discussed with mr mysteria how grassless the city was. the koreans have let green space as an urban planning concept evade them, and while they have set up designated green areas in seoul, they are few and far between. green spaces are like red light districts. if they are too far for the masses to take advantage of, then street prostitution and drug use will continue. the same goes for green spaces. as soon as those green spaces are out of the reach of the masses, a criminal element appears; the green element. it was an element mr mysteria reluctantly accepted membership.

the cab moved along the pavement like a marble moving down a plank being tossed and turned by a child. mr mysteria calmly poked his head up into the cockpit of the taxi and requested information from the cabbie. speaking korean, mr mysteria added countless dimensions to the events and happenings of which he was responsible. when he leaned back and turned to me i flinched in my seat.

"he says he's not drunk. just tired."

i got out of the cab. mr mysteria stayed in and continued on towards the sex motel he was staying at up on the other side of the school. im glad i got out first. im glad i got away. it was good to be once again alone.

a couple of days passed by without any word from mr mysteria. apparently mr mysteria had met with my boss and they had both created distrust of each other. the deal was off and so was mr mysteria. last i heard it was japan. we knew he'd be back in korea. there wasnt a doubt anywhere. i knew id be crossing paths with mr mysteria again; but what form that crossing might take i was still unaware.

wednesday. eta to the school for the third day of classes was around ten seconds. once again my mind on that walk to work filled with thoughts of green. of grass. of that fresh cut smell.

those thoughts quickly dissipate as i enter the 'we can do it' academy. instead of those cheery thoughts of green. of grass. of the fresh cut smell, my thoughts turn to the 'oh how i dislike the ground floor of this building' kind of thoughts i have when i enter the school on a wednesday.

there is a phone call for shane. someone calling himself 'turf' is making a call on behalf of mr mysteria. im not sure what kind of negotiations went down that day, as i only became privy to this information towards the end of the day. However i knew of the operation. operation "green-retrieval". having grown up on the green enriched ground of canada, with lots and lots of green space per capita, i knew little of what kind of operation i was now committed to.

at the strike of ten to ten on my classroom clock operation green-retrieval had become official. it had now started. we packed our things and made sure we had what we needed, locking and loading just before escaping the 'dons' place.

we knew we were not safe using public transit that night, so we hopped in a cab and made our way to eetaywon, an area of town notorious for its teethless russian hookers, starcraft junkies, long legs, cheap drinks, and sauced up military police. dodging in and out of shadows, both fixed and moving, we made our way to the seoul pub. the seoul pub was situated on the main eetaywon drag giving us a good sitrep whenever each other needed one. cautiously we made our way up into the pub; located on the second floor. with every turn we cut the pie like we did during that arms deal we undertook in beirut circa 84. we didnt want to take any chances. we didnt know who mr mysteria worked for. we didnt know if they had been cleared by the word on the street. we were walking into a situation blind. as we entered the pub my hand in reflex moved toward the back of my trousers. it wasnt until shane whispered the all clear that i took my hand from my back and put it back at my side where it would have naturally been. i was jittery. canned coffee and mysteria will cause hysteria if you dont watch out. it was a lesson i was learning as we went. it would not happen twice.

turf was big fat and jollyish. he stood six five and loomed over us. i could have sworn he'd been an mp back in the day, but as he shouted over the ricky martin it turned out he had been with 'the cause' over on vancouver island during the whole klakwat sound revolutionary war.

he was to be trusted.

it happened that he had grass for sale. it was natures black market he told us.

"they think they can put us down by taking away the earth. they think they can humble us into being sheep. sheep!"

his nostrils flaired and he kicked at the hardwood floor with his boots.

"EVEN sheep need to graise. even sheep need the earth!"

'amen brother' i thought as i sat down with a beer and lit a figo. pretending to check out the jukebox i kept an eye out for the nature police. crafty sons-of-bitches the nature police are. dressed in the most convincing urban cammo youve ever seen, they pop in and out of walls with court orders so unexpetedly and without warning many other operatives in the business turf was in had fled to the safety of the united states and canada. not turf. he persevered.

the deal went down.

we finished our beers, like any other normal pub goer and left. you could feel the heat consuming the seoul pub. you could feel the eyes wondering what had just happened. operation green-rerieval was a sucess and we rejoiced once within the safety of the cab.

got home. got out the glue stick. got out the lip balm. got out the scissors. and heaved on a phat "sigh of relief" and snickered the rest of the night away.