The Swinney.org Fiasco

First it was Enron, then WorldCom, Tyco, Merck, Xerox, and Qwest. Now it seems not only are the giants not paying the bills and living upto the standards they promised investors, but today, one of america's smaller .com firms held a press conference indicating that profit numbers projected by auditors did not match actuality.

in an early morning press conference, swinney.org president austin swinney stood firm while shedding a few tears. "my kingdom for a working motorcycle" was what he said as he left the boardroom. there has been pressure from key investors for austin swinney to step down, yet it is still unknown who board members might see fit to replace him. "we are looking at a few options" remarked one of swinney.org's board members. "we might just have a raffle" said another.

many investors, who stand to lose upto and perhaps beyond fifty six dollars have asked the house energy and commerce committee to prohibit any of swinney.org's top brass from leaving the continental united states. in response, vice president of FAQ, elly remarked that while she was unaware of any accounting iregularities, "i did find myself shredding a shit load of paper last week."

in addition to elly's puzzling remarks, saturn5.com, a logistics firm actively working with swinney.org to provide the best possible service remarked that "while we HAVE been paid, i know that for the past few months ive been getting a lot of monopoly money. it just never struck me as something that would indicate financial problems."

with confidence in the american business and financial markets realing from financial woes, does the current financial crisis going on within swinney.org shed light into the cracks even medium sized businesses can exploit?

according to committee leader Rep. Billy Tauzin and Rep. James Greenwood, documents provided by swinney.org show profits exceeding fifty six dollars, when in all actuallity profits ranged between five and six dollars. Rep. James Greenwood went onto say "is this just a case where they sandwiched the two profit numbers together, or is this a terrorist plot to ruin america?"

after george bush jr's speech outlining a tough new rhetoric being proposed about proposing the new proposed laws regarding corporate accounting practices, austin swinney held up a book written by Vice President Dick Cheney entitled "I dont even know what Halliburton does, but i made mad l00t", and another written by george bush jr called "stocks shmocks! im president!"

when asked what the point was, swinney shrugged and pleaded the fifth. when told that he wasnt in a court room swinney pleaded the fifth again and ran away from reporters.

what happens to swinney.org is yet to be determined, as is the fate of many of americas other businesses, but at this time, swinney.org has had its trading suspended, and it is reported that its headquarters is now on fire. lets just hope their insurance company doesnt come out with loss reports.