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I AM CHIAMATTT (10.1998 - present)
When this site was registered, I wrote things without any regret and didn't care if I was being overly sincere or irrational. I offended some, made others laugh, and sought to quell the frustration inside of me by daydreaming time away. I talked to myself quietly, spoke to people who weren't actually there and answered for them. Perhaps that is why I felt so letdown by people around me. I had already answered for them and when their answers didn't match the ones I'd dreamed, I felt so utterly defeated. The utopia I had created was fantastic, and when reality snapped back into focus, I abused myself and stumbled back toward that mirage deep within. In my mind, I was successful and benevolent. People looked up to me. I didn't have to finish the things I had started; I'd already finished them. These days, the words I write seem far too calculated and cautious. There is a fear that what I write will somehow come back to bite me in the ass; a fear I didn't have when I was belligerent and confrontational, anxious and impulsive. More seems at stake at this stage in life, and there is definitely more to lose. I am extremely happy. It feels so utterly strange saying that and I sometimes crave the depression I felt for so very long. There was a turning point during the plunge-into and jump out-of depression when creative juices would flow like no other moment. I miss that spontaneous inventiveness. Chiamattt.com was a spontaneous invention. It has, like most personal sites, constantly changed, been neglected, resurrected, and remodeled. The two constants have been the MUSIC and PHOTOGRAPHY. |
SITES THAT
OTHER PEOPLE
MADE BUT I USE
TO EXPRESS
MY INDIVIDUALISM:
FLICKR
CITYNOISE
LAST.FM
BLOGGER
SWINNEY
SITES THAT
PEOPLE I LIKE
MAINTAIN:
SOOKY
KARL
JEFF
SEAN.C
ADAM
JEEFF
SIMON
KELVIN
MARK.Z
ROB.A
MATT
ANDERS
PUBLISH9